To Mom and Dad in Adelaide: We're All Smiles

Here's a few photos and some videos to keep you missing this little guy. He was staring at your picture the other day, I'm preparing him to meet you in just a few months!!

Motherhood and Me

On our way home from church on Sunday Jon asked me if I felt any different this Mother's Day....it being my first official Mother's Day, and I said no. Then I wondered why I didn't feel any different this Mother's Day, and I've been thinking about it ever since.

Up until now, Mother's Day was a day to celebrate my incredible Mother. And after 24 years it was also a day to celebrate my wonderful Mother-in-law. Two women who've shaped and will continue to influence my own mothering. To add myself to the list of people to be celebrated on that day felt...weird. I don't know, and haven't experienced enough mothering to be celebrated, right? Through my pondering this week, I decided I was wrong. I've only been a Mother for 2 months (2 months today to be exact!) and I haven't been through the terrible two's, potty training, puberty, teenagers, or dating, but you don't have to know it all to celebrate what you do know. This is what I know.

I know that I couldn't be the Mother that I am without the husband that I have. He inspires, encourages, supports, and loves me. And he happily comes home and takes Conner and tries to keep him happy during his fussy time.

I know that I never thought I would get so excited about a smile. Conner's little smile melts my heart, and was the best present I got for Mother's Day.

I know I love how aware Conner is that I am his Mother. At only 2 months old he's a momma's boy....I couldn't be more thrilled.

I know that there are days that I'm overwhelmed and feel a little crazed by the new job of mothering that I took on, but I'm surprised by how much I love it. Contrary to a few posts ago when I wasn't happy about being a new mom, I've gotten into a really good groove and feel more confident.

And I know that the reason I didn't feel any different this Mother's Day is because my whole life up to this point I've been molded and sculpted by life experiences to take on this new job. I've realized that what has happened is I've finally fit into the role I was meant to play, and because it feels so natural I never realized how much I've changed and grown. I didn't feel any different because I'm exactly what I've always wanted to be.

A Mother.

And I've never been so grateful for that realization...a present to myself this very first Mother's Day.

For the Grandparents

Since my parents....and a lot of other family members come to think of it....live far away here are a few videos of Conner. Please excuse the baby talk voice. Conner has been doing some little smiles lately, this was me trying to get one out of him...not much success but it's still cute.
Conner was getting excited and I love when he gets his arms and legs moving.
This is a tummy time video. He wasn't up to showing off his skills, but I love his little grunts and I know my Mom will love it too.

Newborn...but bigger

Conner and I went and had his newborn pictures taken earlier this week. Since the recovery took longer than I thought...his newborn pictures were taken when he was a month old. I have no idea how long babies are considered newborns, and my newborn is a lot bigger than most. During our photo session, there was another newborn getting her pictures taken and next to her, Conner looked like he was about 4 months old...I loved it. I also loved that he was awake for most of the pictures. He is precious when he is asleep, but his cute little personality comes through more when he is awake.

It took quite a bit of coercing to get Conner to put his bum in the air. After months of being cramped in my belly, he enjoys sprawling out.






A completely unplanned shot. This is our son, he's already a thinker.


The photographer had to be a little creative with Conner. This was the biggest hammock that they had. We had to have him hang his arms and legs outside...We got a good laugh.


We got a few shots together too. I just love this little guy.

Photo Shoot

I'm pretty sure I love taking pictures with Conner. We've been practicing for his newborn photo shoot tomorrow. Enjoy.....more professional pictures to come!

Looking Up

After a few weeks, I finally feel like I'm getting the hang of the mothering thing. I feel so much better than a few weeks ago....thank you for all the advice. You are all so sweet to offer your feelings and ideas. I'm glad I'm not alone in feeling the way I did.

Things are looking up every day and Conner is doing great. He's gaining lots of weight and helping me lose weight since he's getting so chubby. At our pediatrician's appointment last week he'd already gained almost a pound since birth. I laugh when I put clothes on him and they don't fit and he's only 3 weeks old.

A few photos to share.


Conner has a big mouth and I love when he yawns...it's so dramatic!


He loves to curl up when he sleeps...especially when he snuggles with Jon.


Much to my surprise, Conner really likes bath time. He's very content to sit and enjoy it.

He still cries, but I've become stronger and less frazzled when he does. Eating and sleeping has become easier and every day gets better and better. I'm starting to really like this mom thing.

My March Madness

I have a newborn.

I have a newborn who cries....a lot.

For the first time today he is sleeping in his crib without me having to hold him, or rock him, or pat his back to get his burps out. It's frustrating.

I called my sister this morning as I tried to console my new little boy, and we talked. We didn't come to a conclusion of what might be wrong, we just talked about how different this whole experience is....it's much different than I expected. And even though, nothing changed, got better, and I didn't have an "Ah ha" moment, I felt better, and I wondered why I don't hear more women talk openly about how hard being a mother is.

As a woman who's only been a mother for a little over a week, I know I don't know half of the hardships, or difficulties that come with this job, but I swear all I hear is how much people love being a mom. Everything is perfect. The baby is perfect, things are perfect....and all I can think is,

"This is so much harder than I thought it would be."
"What am I doing wrong?"
"Why won't he stop crying."

I've been very diligent in watching my feelings. Even though I'm overwhelmed, I haven't had any hurtful feelings toward Conner, or myself, but I start to feel indifferent. Mealtimes are becoming something that I dread, and I cry right along with my son because I can't figure out what the problem is.

Something that I know (and I have a wonderful husband who's been so perfect for this situation, and reminds me all the time) is that I can do this. I can do hard things. I am a capable mother. When I pray, I know God listens and is helping me every hour of the day. So even though, I feel like everyone but me has perfect babies, and loves every moment, and never struggles....I know it's ok that I feel like this. And I know that when I take it a day at a time, things will slowly but surely get better.