I have a newborn.
I have a newborn who cries....a lot.
For the first time today he is sleeping in his crib without me having to hold him, or rock him, or pat his back to get his burps out. It's frustrating.
I called my sister this morning as I tried to console my new little boy, and we talked. We didn't come to a conclusion of what might be wrong, we just talked about how different this whole experience is....it's much different than I expected. And even though, nothing changed, got better, and I didn't have an "Ah ha" moment, I felt better, and I wondered why I don't hear more women talk openly about how hard being a mother is.
As a woman who's only been a mother for a little over a week, I know I don't know half of the hardships, or difficulties that come with this job, but I swear all I hear is how much people love being a mom. Everything is perfect. The baby is perfect, things are perfect....and all I can think is,
"This is so much harder than I thought it would be."
"What am I doing wrong?"
"Why won't he stop crying."
I've been very diligent in watching my feelings. Even though I'm overwhelmed, I haven't had any hurtful feelings toward Conner, or myself, but I start to feel indifferent. Mealtimes are becoming something that I dread, and I cry right along with my son because I can't figure out what the problem is.
Something that I know (and I have a wonderful husband who's been so perfect for this situation, and reminds me all the time) is that I can do this. I can do hard things. I am a capable mother. When I pray, I know God listens and is helping me every hour of the day. So even though, I feel like everyone but me has perfect babies, and loves every moment, and never struggles....I know it's ok that I feel like this. And I know that when I take it a day at a time, things will slowly but surely get better.
15 comments:
If you read my blog you'll notice that I OFTEN post about the difficulties of motherhood! Blogging is hard because people only talk about the good things because that's what they want to remember. Motherhood is HARD, but so worth it. I'm sorry you are struggling right now. You will figure things out...I promise. Some babies just take more out of you than others. Aren't you glad you believe in God to help you when you need it most?
Oh Jess!!! You need to call me... you are NOT alone. I've thought the same thing hundreds of times over the past month or so. Why doesn't anyone ever talk about the hard things? Just know that I'm right there with ya - trying to figure this whole thing out and wondering each day what I'm doing wrong when my kid won't stop crying. It's such a guessing game all the time wondering if it is your baby's personality or something us mommies are doing wrong. You are right though - rely on the Lord. You've been given stewardship over little Connor and you have been blessed with motherly instincts. It gets better - I promise! The first two weeks are SO hard. I'm almost to week 6 and feel like I'm just getting the hang of things. Hang in there and call me anytime cause I'm going through the same things!
You should watch the Mormon Message about Motherhood...it's a good one and might bring you some comfort.
Jess, this is how I know you're ALREADY a good mom! Because being a mom is hard. Way hard. And lots of moms can't admit that because they think that's weak. It most definitely isn't and I believe in you and know that this baby boy who is SO STINKIN' cute was sent here to you because only YOU can be his momma. Sawyer was a tough baby too, and I hope you know I'm here for you if you ever need a break! Love you friend! You can do it!
I hear you on the crying... Carson cried for about 6 hours a day for 6 months. I don't say this to scare you, but to let you know that we lived even though I don't remember a lot of my life at that time. Give me a call sometime and I'll share some tricks with you!! 208-520-7779! Andrea
Who ever says they have perfect babies and that motherhood is easy and perfect is TOTALLY lying! Okay, my sister Becky's babies are fairly easy going babes and don't cry much...mine on the other hand are difficult to console for the first, oh 6-9 months! It's a struggle for me the first few months. On top of a screaming baby, your body is trying to heal, your hormones are whacked, you want your body back, etc. My favorite stage is definitely NOT the newborn stage. Some people love it, I do not! My favorite stage is 6-18 months when you've finally got it a little figured out and the baby interacts more and is "less" work (ha, ha!). Hang in there! And keep your emotions in check! Don't be afraid to ask for help. Don't be afraid to set him down and let him cry. He will NOT get hurt and a 10 minute breather for you can do wonders! At the end of the day, after all the screaming and poop and sore nipples and exhaustion, the best feeling in the world is snuggling that little baby that you love so much. Therein lies the "perfection" of motherhood! The good far outweighs the tough!
AAH!!! Jessie!! I just left a super long comment which I was already embarrassed about how long it was and then it didn't publish!!
Ok, here goes. Maybe it will be more brief this time :)
Anyway, James was a super fussy baby at night for the first 6 months of his life...and then it magically got better. Avery wasn't fussy at all, and so it took me by complete surprise how different babies could be.
It is definitely NOT easy!! Ask my mom about how often I complain :) Which doesn't mean I love them any less...but...just...it is definitely not easy. I think people can tell you that it's hard, but until you have a babe of your own it just isn't something that you fully comprehend. My best friend sent me a card when Avery was born and she wrote in it, "Have fun being a mom! Ha ha ha..." And I was like, oh, great...what does that mean?!
I agree with all of these other comments people have left, about only wanting to blog the good memories, putting the baby down to take a breather, etc. It's definitely okay to ask for help! Everyone who has had a baby understands. Put my mom to work!!
I wish I would have called you sooner. I was worried about interfering, being annoying, etc. I will for sure call tomorrow. Hang in there...thinking of you :)
It doesn't work for all babies, but sometimes they love a swing. It is soothing, it keeps them upright and maybe keeps their tummies from getting quite as upset, etc. Plus, it gives you some free time to just chill, take a shower, etc. :)
Jessie... I completely understand; we all understand! Being a mom is the hardest thing that I've signed myself up to do. :) I've been tired since the day they were born.. for serious, I have no idea what if feels like to not be tired.
Swings and bouncers with vibrations or music saved my life. There are so many factors that may be contributing to Conner crying... it's hard to offer specific advice.
If I were you, I'd ask Jon for a blessing. I've had many 'mommy-meltdowns' and asking for a blessing was the best and most comforting. And then remember... you can do this! And you will fall more in love with Conner as you begin to figure him out.
Good luck. I wish you the best and hope to see you soon.
Michelle
Call me anytime..(801) 649-9551
I know exactly what the problem is...he needs his Grandma. Well, he'll just have to wait...you can stand the crying for 4 short months can't you Jess....I like all the posted advice, right on the mark. When you have fed him, changed him and burped him, it's time to put him in the crib and let him work it out....and he will, it just may take some time. Newborns are a lot of work and not a lot of fun. Keep your chin up and make sure you visit with friends and sisters,sometimes you just need to vent!
You're doing awesome and just look at how many comments you have... You are NOT alone! Motherhood is awesome and challenging and requires more patience than I think we as humans possess. Although motherhood becomes awesome when your baby can smile at you and laugh and hug you and kiss you, but honestly, it's really hard when you are stretching yourself and sacrificing everything, and all you get in return is a whole bunch of crying. Keep it up though, you're doing everything perfectly. Now you know if you ever want A TON of comments on your blog, just post about how hard being a mom is! Just a thought, maybe he needs to be on his tummy a lot. It might help with the bubbles and fussing... I don't know it's worth a shot. Sorry about the novel! He is beautiful and so are you!
You can do this jessie! Just use a lot of help. Let Jon take care of things so you get breaks. call friends, sisters, family and just talk....talk to the dr and nurses, they can help you find ways to help him.
motherhood is hard, but the good outweighs the hard.
Good Luck!
Being a mother is never going ot be easy but eventually it will be rewarding (even if it takes a long time to see that). It's hard with babies to know what's wrong but you'll learn and figure out what is best for him. You are his mom and sometimes it will feel like you don't have a clue but other times you'll see that you are the one who truly knows what's best for him. Take care of yourself and give yourself breaks. Your emotions and hormones are going crazy right now and lack of sleep definitely doesn't help matters any. It's not always easy but I promise it's worth it!
I wish I was in town! I'd bring you take out and hold Conner for you and not have ANY advice to give you but to just listen.
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